sweet scar
by Susan Bell
Summary: Mikasa often cried at night.


I want to be someone who can hold you close  
so gentle yet so tight  
I want to tell you it'll be okay, repeating those words  
till you at last smile  
to be able to say good morning  
means goodnight hurts no more  
somehow, here the two of us stand  
we lived through another day  
when I felt your hand  
letting go of mine  
I feel like I somewhat understood  
the meaning of "I love you"

Sweet Scar  
2016

Mikasa often cried in her sleep.

Soft, sad whimpers that were lost among Sasha's snoring but rang out with perfect clarity to Eren.

He had hoped that once they began training, her dreams would lose their grip over her. The trainees were getting stronger, faster, deadlier. She was the best in their group. Nothing could hurt her.

But he had gone to use the lavatory one night and walked beneath her window and he heard her, through Sasha's snores, through Ymir's curious mumblings and he winced. He supposed he ought to have known better. This place, this fighting, his stubborn determination to join the Survey Corps. Of course it was sure to bring back the old memories, as it did for him. He dreamt in sharp, awful clarity and woke full of hatred and anger. He was going to kill every last Titan and he was going to kill the Titan that had killed his mother.

Eren never asked what she dreamed and she only told him if it was about her parents. He suspected the other nightmares might be about him dying and he decided he'd rather not know the various ways her mind killed him. He never judged her for her nightmares or thought of her as weak. Nights are when one is most vulnerable but she was resilient and strong during the day, her nightmares never holding her back. Eren greatly admired that about her.

She whimpered again, murmuring his name with all the sad hopelessness of an abandoned child. Eren glanced in the direction of the lavatory but he knew it would have to wait. He crept around to the front of the girls' dormitory, gently pushing the door open. The sight of the sleeping girls made him smirk in amusement. Sasha had one arm thrown over her face, her mouth agape, still snoring. Ymir and Krista slept in beds next to each other, holding hands. Eren thought he heard Ymir whisper a name. It sounded like Marcel. He blinked, confused, but he hardly knew the tall girl. Maybe it was someone she knew back home.

It didn't matter, because Mikasa softly cried his name and he forgot the other girls. He sat gently beside her on the bed, the old frame creaking its protest.

"Hush, now," he told her, brushing the hair from her face. "I'm here."

She stilled under his touch, his words reaching her even in her darkest dreams. He had often gone to her back home. At first he had been alarmed and unsure but he had thought back to his own mother when he had been very small.

"I'm here, Eren. Hush now," she would say tenderly and run her fingers through his hair. "There's nothing that can hurt you while I'm here."

Eren swallowed around a hard lump in his throat, a rush of sorrow coursing through him. He closed his eyes tightly and repeated Carla's words to Mikasa.

"There's nothing that can hurt you while I'm here."

Mikasa was quiet now. He laced his fingers through hers, marveling at the feeling. Briefly unsure, Eren glanced around the dark dormitory. The other girls were still sleeping soundly.

 _Fuck it_ , he thought. He would risk it. Slowly, gingerly, he unwound his fingers from Mikasa's and crawled over her. His back to the wall and her back to him, he pulled her close, shielding her from the night. She shifted sleepily and sighed but was otherwise quiet. Eren wondered what she would do in the morning but he ducked his head, resting his forehead against her shoulder blade. She would smile, he decided. She would scold him but she would smile.

Eren closed his eyes and at last slept.

He was shaken awake the next morning and blearily looked up into a pair of wide, anxious blue eyes. Krista.

"The others are going to wake soon. You have to get out of here!" she hissed.

"Oh," Eren said, sitting up and looking around blankly. He glanced down at Mikasa, still sleeping but now smiling slightly.

"She was quiet the rest of the night," Krista said and blushed as Eren gaped at her, startled.

"I saw you come in," the blonde girl admitted shyly. Then she frowned thoughtfully as she glanced down at Mikasa. "She must have had a very sad life."

"Yeah," Eren breathed, inching off the bed. Krista was looking at Ymir when she spoke again.

"Mikasa is very lucky to have you in her life."

"I-I guess," Eren stumbled out. "Thanks for waking me up. You didn't have to."

Krista shrugged loftily.

"You're lucky it wasn't Sasha or she might have held all your meals hostage."

Krista followed Eren to the door and she peeked out, making sure it was all clear before unceremoniously shoving him outside, into the dawning sunlight.

She murmured, before shutting the door, "It's okay to need her too, you know. It was nice to see you both smiling."


End file.
